WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
