Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I did not marry a roomba.
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