i already hear my dad disowning me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
