now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
