Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
