The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I know her cup size but not her name....
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