I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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