I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
