every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
