peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The best revenge is premature balding
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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