I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
