did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
