My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
