I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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