addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
