they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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