sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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