I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
