she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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