So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize