You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
