i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
