she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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