We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize