we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best revenge is premature balding
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
bring money and cleavage
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
