I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
