I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
