did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
