haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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