Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
