I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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