You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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