At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
