Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my phone needs a breathalizer
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
