Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
