I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
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