her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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