Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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