i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
its not stalking. its research.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
