I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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