I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
