is your mom at the bar?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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