I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
