somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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