Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
