she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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