What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
