my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
