quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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