we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
