He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
