3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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