Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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