Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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