Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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