He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
