I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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