so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My ass is underappreciated
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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