I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
