It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
