Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
