You made me cry and you don't even care
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
