By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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