So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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