now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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