I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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