The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's always time for handjobs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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