Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
