Don't you send me to vm
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
