I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
