please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
